Last night I was invited to a belated Christmas party.
The company that I left two years ago to work on this MANSTRESS initiative, have retained my services on a part-time basis so still invite me to their amazing social gatherings…and the gatherings are truly amazing as the directors simply do not hold back on rewarding the incredible team they have built, for collectively growing the business by remarkable levels, year in year out.
Having had a rather heavy night the previous Saturday with a couple of really close friends, when we decided to see how many of my son’s gin collection we could sample before keeling over I was on the wagon…having collapsed from alcohol induced poisoning just after 10.00 with the after effects lasting well into the next week. It was the first time in years that I suffered from a hang-over and to be honest I hated every minute of it…so being on the wagon at the company do was no hardship and it also allowed me to talk and listen to a number of my colleagues with a clear head, when their tongues were being loosened by drink…a time when the human animal tends to be more than a little honest…it was fascinating but also slightly sad.
Human’s inability to share deep-rooted secrets means that me and my colleagues, individuals who I only fleetingly meet, are practically strangers and therefore to be in a situation where an individual’s guard is down completely changes the dynamics of the relationship and gave me a brief insight into the emotional carnage that most are having to deal with while trying to live a normal 21st century life.
I am mindful of something Richard ‘The Wiz’ Wilkins asked me during one of our many conversations.
“Richard” he asked “would you allow anyone to treat you as badly as you treat yourself?”…wow…”of course not” was my immediate reaction, but then I started to think more deeply about the question and realised that throughout my life I had been a victim to my own internal aggression. OK others might have sown the seeds but it was my mind that turned ridiculously non-important events into beliefs and behaviours that would ultimately shape a person who I simply did not want to be…and this of course is exactly what has happened to my colleagues.
During the evening, everyone admitted that there were things about themselves that made them feel uncomfortable and in one particular situation this wonderful…and I mean absolute wonderful person told me in no uncertain terms that she didn’t like who she was. And yet to everyone around her she is a warm, beautiful caring individual…and incredible mother. I asked her how she would react if her young daughter uttered the same self-opinion…
“I would be horrified” she answered with total alarm.
Don’t you see how crazy this stuff is?
A loving mother will do everything to protect her child and yet struggles to protect herself against this powerful internal influence. And what is really worrying about this situation is that children don’t do what we say, they do what we do. So however hard this individual tries to steer her precious child away from her own internal struggles, in reality the child will pick up every slight negative indiscretion, and that, like her mother, will become the default setting, from which her sub-conscious will develop her beliefs and behaviours…and the cycle will continue into the next, and then future generations.
I have a really good friend who sufferers terribly from anxiety attacks and is having therapy and so is his 15 year old son…aaarrrggghhh!! CHILDREN DON’T DO WHAT WE SAY THEY DO WHAT WE DO!!! That is how nature planned man’s survival.
So what is sad about this is most of us are trying to do the right thing and yet we are fighting against such a power mechanism that ultimately, unless we and our children are fully educated in this stuff, nothing is ever going to change and the piece of pretty sensible ‘engineering’ which nature instil in our ancestors, as an amazing survival kit, will continue to create huge problems for us all.
Up until the age of 7ish the human computer is designed to absorb everything it witnesses to which it will attribute a reaction. I know we continually go on about the furry beast with the big teeth, but for pre-historic man the Sabre tooth tiger, was pretty much all he had to contend with, so nature’s role was to create a mechanism that would provide the human animal with at least a fighting chance of survival when confronted by his arch enemy…and clearly it worked because the human animal survived while the beast with the bad breath and attitude didn’t.
But that didn’t stop nature from scanning our own individual horizons for new threats and of course in the modern world where so much is expected of us, there are thousands and thousands of issues that can cause humans to feel vulnerable…and with the sub-conscious unable to distinguish between a life and non- life threatening situation, more and more of us are developing crazy and ridiculous opinions about ourselves, simply because of the way our sub-conscious has been conditioned by events, that in all likely were sown during our formative years.
My colleague has amazing quantities but because something way-back was planted into her sub-conscious when she was probably far too young to question the validly of that ‘seed’, she actually believes that her feelings about herself are true, because they are manifesting from within, and sadly, because this is how it works, she will end up moulding her precious child with her beliefs.
Not sure about this?
Well here’s another story to consider.
Another friend who suffers from anxiety (could there be a pattern forming here…they seem to my friends!!) is afraid of dogs…she has never had a bad experience of ‘man’s best friend’ but it transpires that her mother is also afraid of dogs…to a chronic degree. A few months ago we decided to get a dog…Ralph…a bundle of happy furry fluff…who loves everyone. Anyway once Ralph had gotten over his pup biting stage…NO ONE TOLD US THAT PUPPIES BITE!!…we agreed to meet us with our friends and their two children at the beach. And ‘lo and behold’ guess what…both children were afraid of Ralph!!!
So in answer to Richard ‘The Wiz’ Wilkin’s no I wouldn’t nor will I even allow my sub-conscious to treat me as badly as it did for the best part of my adult life.
So how did I take back control…education, education and more education. Once I understood that there was nothing wrong with me and I didn’t need fixing I started to CONSCIOUSLY starve my internal monster of the oxygen it needed to mould me…I am now choosing.
So here’s one for my dear colleague…”if you could choose, would you choose to like yourself or choose not to like yourself?” (Easy question with an obvious answer you would think). So who is making the choice in her situation?…her sub-conscious…apply this thought to your own situation and the rest is easy.
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