I have a cold…I feel old…so I wept for my past

I have had an absolute shit week…let me explain.

On Monday I came down with MANFLU…yep the real deal…OK…OK…a heavy cold but let’s not split hair here …either way I felt terrible.

Now being self-employed, with lots of vacations planned this year with Mrs C, I simply couldn’t afford to take any time out so, being the soldier that I am, I completed 18 appointments, covering 1150 miles during the week…what a hero I hear you cry!!! Or was it ‘tosser’ for spreading diseases to unsuspecting clients…I think the second option is more honest

As we all know the problem with colds…or Flu…is they not only make you feel terrible during the day, but also makes you feel bloody terrible throughout the night…the time when nature decreed that this would be the time for healing. But with either nose passage blocking alternatively, interspersed with green shit being exhausted from my throat, resulting in little sleep, by Friday I felt physically drained and strangely extremely emotionally.

Now with limited sleep I did understand why my energy levels would be floored but what I was not expecting was the psychological issues that I would have to contend with over the weekend.

Since starting my journey to understand the complexities of the human mind, I have learned many things that have enable me to make changes that have done much to neutralise the power of the negative programmes in my sub-conscious, which throughout my adult life were responsible for triggering some really crazy beliefs and behaviours. So for much of the time I now feel in control of my emotions and therefore having them go so far off track over the weekend really did catch me by surprise.

There was no particular trigger  but on Friday I started to become overwhelmed with sadness, something I have never really struggled with, and yet the more I tried to deal with the feeling the more powerful the feeling became and on various occasions on Saturday and Sunday I found myself wiping tears away from my eyes. I found myself yearning for my youth and focusing on times, many years ago, when life seemed just that much easier.  I missed my parents, old mates and the dreams and aspirations I had as a teenager before the real world intervene and things turned ugly…and bloody tough.

Look I am a real up beat person and whilst I am emotional and sensitive, this kind of out of kilter reaction is foreign to me. But equally it is an important experience. Why? Well let me explain.

My focus for MANSTRESS is to create a platform where individuals can tell their story without fear and as Stuart and Paul demonstrated regularly, they are happy to share their personal stories, good or bad, because they are committed to this ethos…I think we have all found it cathartic.  Therefore for me not to share what has been a strangely emotional time would have been against the whole principles of MANSTRESS, because such feelings are not unique to me and therefore others who are struggling with similar feelings might gain something positive from my experience.

So this is my take on this week. With my body taking a hammering, my mind went in search of comforts, things that I have experienced that made me feel good. Remember our subconscious works in the now and therefore when tasked with dealing with a negative ‘I have a bad cold’ it will trigger a set of pre-determined responses, designed to make me feel better. Therefore it would make perfect sense to elevate my parents and old mates into my thoughts because both represented a very safe and very healthy time in my life.  Yes I get that. BUT. Yes the big BUT. When you are feeling shit and VERY old, as I did this week, being reminded of your youth can have a detrimentally negative impact on your emotional well-being…which is exactly what happened in my case… Once again nature has created the proverbial ‘vicious circle’.

Last week I told you about the wonderful weekend I had in North Norfolk with my family…virtually the same group I spent this weekend with. Except getting this god forsaken cold absolutely nothing changed during the last 7 days and yet the effects on my emotions could not have been more extreme.  And this is what this whole platform is about. The mind is so bloody complex that within seconds it can turn your world upside down. It can make good seem terribly bad.  It can make life seem so dreadfully difficult and take you into real depth of despair. This is how fucking crazy this stuff is and why you must remember these really important things.

  1. The feelings maybe be really tough but they are not who you are so don’t let them try to influence you into make bad decisions.
  2. Such feelings don’t mean you are broken or need fixing…it just means that your subconscious has temporary gone off track, but give it time it will rebalance itself.
  3. Talk to someone…anyone…or write your story and post it on MANSTRESS. I told Mrs C that I was struggling and I will let her read this post. It is important that those around you understand when you are finding things tough, to allow them to adjust themselves accordingly.
  4. Do not isolate yourself… the crazy monster that drives our negative feelings loves being isolated so at all costs don’t give into its powers…however hard it might be socialising when dealing with a bad day.
  5. And finally focus real hard on something, someone, some place that makes you feel good because this will help counterbalance the negative emotions that are sweeping through your body.

It’s 5.30 now on Monday morning and I am off to Essex for my first appointment. The weather is pretty shitty and if given the choice I would head straight back to bed with Mrs C…but I’m self-employed remember. So how do I feel this morning? A lot better thanks which again just shows how fucking crazy this stuff is.

Take care and have a wonderful week.

By | 2018-02-12T11:41:05+00:00 February 12th, 2018|The Tribe|0 Comments

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