Where do I start on the stress and depression?
I suffered with no one to turn to.
I was in a relationship many years ago that at the time seemed to be a loving one but all that changed very quickly.
The girl in question I was warned off by many people but I knew best so I thought about 2 months into the relationship she started to be very controlling: throwing mood swings and making me feel useless. In that short time she also became pregnant so from that point I started to feel trapped not communicating with anyone apart from her.
So six months on, still feeling trapped, she asked me to move in with her in her local town and this was 14 miles away from my family and friends – well what I had left of them.
I tried to talk to her on several occasions and all she did was lash out physically and verbally.
I really started to feel down with no way out she started to get more violent and I never retaliated once but stories started to circulate that I hit her – this in no way was true at this point.
It really started to get to me; I began crying to myself and not eating or drinking all this time and had no one to talk to.
Months dragged on with me going more into myself not wanting to be a father, or even be alive.
Things started to get worse month by month and I was contemplating suicide on a daily basis – until one day I really did have enough of all the domestic violence and feeling ashamed and unable to tell anyone I finally did it.
I tied the cable around the beam in the living room cable around my neck without even thinking.
I jumped this was it for me.
I was free.
No more hassle or feeling less of a man but things didn’t pan out that way.
A police officer was going directly across the road and noticed my feet hanging below the net curtain and the officer smashed his way into the house cutting me down at that time. I have never hated someone so much in that moment I was back to reality I was revived in the ambulance twice due to my windpipe collapsing. I just remember feeling awful and just wanting to die. I got to hospital where I was admitted to what people called a nuthouse.
I was instantly sectioned for 6 months where I was seen by a counsellor daily and fed anti depressants like smarties.
I was having various treatments to help me but I was still feeling useless with no family no friends.
I was isolated, feeling stressed, wanting to hit out wanting someone to help like speaking to a stranger telling him or her my problems.
I found someone to talk to and this started to help in the long run but not having people around you to support you is hard.
Even harder is that men aren’t encouraged to talk openly about stress and depression which becomes a stress factor in itself.
You need an outlet, someone to turn to.
I have the NHS and army to thank for turning my life around and now I am that person that is always willing to listen always ready to help to talk to be there, when things get hard as they did for me.
This is my story and please talk to someone as you get no help if you don’t.