I want to write this anonymously because to state openly that my workplace has made me suffer with anxiety and stress would get me into trouble.
I work in an Orwellian environment.
You have Snowballs and Napoleons barking orders whilst the Boxers of the farm are given more to do, or in the case of support staff, dismissed so we can have another layer of management.
I’ve got to point now where the first flutterings of anxiety are occurring at work, but at home, my partner, my friends can see those changes in me: my mood, my outlook, my behaviour have all changed.
There was a time when I enjoyed work, looked forward to going in and making a difference, but now it seems to me and others of my vintage, that we are dinosaurs in a system run on paper and procedure and not values.
I’ve thought long and hard about what to do about the effects on my mental health and what I’ve seen this same place do to others: it pays lip-service to support; it makes gestures about wellbeing – when really this once great public service has become a business with staff treated like they’re only fit for bollockings and micro-management.
Yes, I’ve googled symptoms of anxiety, others and myself can see the signs and I’ve decided to walk away from the place for good.
It hurts, it disappoints me, but it’s no longer worth fighting for as a job when the rewards are so scant and the management so callous.
So I resigned.
Decided to cut my losses, stem the negativity building in me, and leave.
Do you know already I feel better in myself? They say leaving a toxic relationship is the best thing to do. I have.
I’m sure in a year’s time, I’ll look back and ask “How did I stay there for so long?”