Or the alt title?
Ralph (dog), ball, beach and a severe case of constipation.
So how many hairs does your average Cockapoo have on its arse?? And before you start having kinky thoughts about us Norfolkians…let me explain…
This week has been full on.
I have visited 21 construction firms in various locations throughout East Anglia and the Northern Home Counties. Great meetings but serious long hours with over 1300 miles clocked up.
So today (I am semi-retired and take Fridays off) I arranged to meet up with Ian Wells, an old friend, at Norfolk Lavender, in Heacham.
As the meeting wasn’t until 10.00 I decided to take Ralph (our Cockapoo puppy) for a walk along the promenade, reasoning that with the clear skies and brisk winds from the North Sea, any remaining remnants of STRESS from the week would soon be blown into Kingdom come.
So armed with his favourite ball we climbed the sea wall but before covering more than 10 paces Ralph decided to relieve himself…well it didn’t go as expected…normally, I am proud to report, Ralph has no problem in that department, but for some reason today things decided to stay put…if you get my drift. Initially I didn’t think too much about it but after a few minutes of serious straining with no reward, both Ralph and myself started to show signs of STRESS…especially as the voices in my head started this debate whether in cases like this the human owner (ME) would have to aid the process…WHAT!! ARE YOU CRAZY!! Anyway while I was checking with Google, what one does to aid a constipated Cockapoo, to my immense relief a rather large poo appeared…YEEESSSS!!
My stress relieving walk could now continue.
But there was a problem
Lifting his back legs whilst retaining a sitting position, Ralph starts to drag himself along the promenade…which in anyone’s language is surely not normal. Anyway when he’d finally stopped dragging and stood up, ready to play ball I noticed to my absolute horror what the problem had been, because caked…and I mean caked in every one of the zillions of hairs Ralph has around his arse was poo…about a ton of it.
What I’d witnessed lying on the promenade was only part of Ralph’s motions, the bulk clearly had decided to stop half way…hence the dragging.
Strangely all issues regarding the previous 4 days on the road just disintegrated as my focus was two-fold:
1. Where the hell was he going to sit in the car?
2. How the hell was I going to clean his nether regions, which was hardening by the minute, before dropping him off with Mrs C’s mother?…who had agreed to look after him while I met up with my old mate.
So the upshot is “folks you’ve gotta get a dog” if you want to forget about normal life STRESSES because “man’s best friend” will regular present disgusting problems which you are neither equipped or really want to address…and that is exactly what you need after a heavy day at the office…believe me it works…
Oh yes what happened…well I wrapped Ralph in a towel and bathed him at Ida’s before meeting Ian….with this fun tale to tell.
So of you have any STRESS releasing stories involving family pets that you would like to share the floor is yours.
P.S. Slightly ironically Johnny Cash is on the radio singing ‘ring of fire’…but that’s a story for another day!