I’m recovering from mental health problems.
There, I said it.
That black dog of depression only occasionally slinks into my brain and with a quick hand wave and a muttered shoo, it quickly leaves.
But what helps recovery? Is it time? Acceptance? A rewiring of thought patterns? Lifestyle changes?
To me, at least, it’s been a combination of many factors.
Sobriety has been a huge part in not looking back, finding freelance success with editorial control of this site and partnership in other businesses, a conscious effort to stop picking the scab of the past and some sort of acceptance that what I’m doing now is far more enjoyable than working in teaching with twats of bosses and colleagues. Not all were of course – but an alarming amount of teaching colleagues were twats, particularly in leadership, where twattery ran through them like a stick of rock.
Does time change things though?
Yes and no.
Obviously when I went headfirst into a kerb in 1997 from a bike en route to work I couldn’t cycle again for a few years, but when I wheel a bike out now (admittedly rarely) I get no wobbles of apprehension – 20 years have cured that fear.
When I pass the schools that made me ill in 2013 and 2015, the buildings don’t inspire fear, as those people have gone who made me ill.
Yes time does sort of heal or it dulls the pain, which you can reprogramme your mind to neutralise.
Funny though that last night in bed, I reached out in deep sleep and punched the bedside lamp waking myself and my wife up. I was dreaming of someone who’d caused a lot of stress and pain over all my life and I punched him in sleep as he was trying to force me to do something I didn’t want to do – in the dream – which he did all through my life until 10 years ago.
So you’d think that if a fear of a workplace from 2013 and 2015 could be cured, a bike accident resulting in lost teeth, broken nose and jaw could be salved, a dream of physically hitting someone you’d not seen for 10 years would be rare.
It is rare yes, but it shows the deep-seated animosity I still feel towards someone I last saw in 2007.
Strange thing isn’t it the mind?